here's another valentine's day rant...fresh off the press.

...

It’s that one time of the year again when you realize how lonely you are.

It is Valentine's Day.

You realize that all of your friends are going to be out with their boyfriend or girlfriend that night. You don’t want to spend the night alone, eating a box of chocolates while you watch figure skating on CBC.

So, what do you do? How can you prevent another year of wallowing in your singlehood?

First, you have to get off your lazy ass and start scoping out your target. There must be a million decent-looking men in your neighbourhood or your apartment complex. If you can’t find them nearby, get out of your house and find them somewhere else. It can be your workplace, your school, your church, or some guy on the street. It doesn’t matter, you just have to find someone first.

Now, you can’t just get any man. He’s got to be of a certain pedigree. Attitude and personality can only go so far. Check his physical attributes. He’s got to be fairly good-looking, at least. Major turn-offs to consider are body odour, personal hygiene, hairstyle (no mullets, please) and living situation (you don’t want to know that their 35 and still living with their mother).

Once you’ve selected your target, you have to find out who they are. Get his name. Calling him “that guy” isn’t the best way to introduce your new man to your friends.

Next, initiate a conversation. Get their phone number, their e-mail, or you can buy them a carrier pigeon. Bug them to get a Myspace profile or an instant messenger like MSN. This is the perfect way to pester them until they finally get your attention. It’s also the best place to keep track of him, so that he won’t run away from you.

You finally have him in your grasp. Naturally, you want to keep him there. There are a few things that men can’t resist—food is one of them. As the old adage goes, “A way to a man’s heart is to his stomach.” Practice your Julia Child skills and cook him a meal that he won’t forget, or at least a meal that would make him enthralled enough to do all your bidding.

There are other tactics you could use. Dress appropriately. They appreciate a little bit of skin every now and then. You can’t get a man to ogle you if you’re only wearing your sweat suit. Men-appropriate reading material is handy too. A guy loves it when you bring him copies of Dub, Maxim, and that ever-popular swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. You can expand their reading capabilities in the process.

The main point is that you have to keep their attention as high as possible. They have to be interested in you 24/7. Men get bored easily, so try to make yourself stand out from the other girls hounding at him. By doing all of these things, you are assured of a single-free Valentine’s Day--at least until next year.

If all else fails, you can blame it on me.

Besides, you’ll always have those box of chocolates.

...

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A JOKE.

now seriously, would i be THIS desperate?

well, maybe i am.

*wink*

this little entry was an exercise from my feature writing class...which for once i actually didn't mind writing because it turned out to be quite entertaining and funny.

anyways, a day off tomorrow (sort of...still have to work though)...then photography fridays.

i feel like value vintage hunting this weekend.

hmmmm...!

i'm not making sense now.

better get to sleep.

later, fools.

...peace out...