i said this to someone about a week ago, the same day when i had that argument i had at work:

my beliefs don't define me.

the person i said it to seemed to have taken it well, i don't know why i said it, it was probably me trying to sound really clever at the moment.

but i think today, after watching the da vinci code, and reading a myspace blog posting by kevin max, i think i've finally figured out what i meant.

...

lemme just give you all an excerpt from kevin's blog:

after watching the Da Vinci Code and reading all of the humorous reviews and views of people out there scared to death of flaws within the gospels...i had to say bravo to Dan Brown for at least making people think again...i mean, his novel read like one of those Stephen King throwaway short stories, but he was brave enough to throw out issues that have been revolving for thousands of years...

(KMAX, if you're reading this, i hope you don't mind if i borrow some of your words and your blog title...i just thought they were interesting points to bring up.)

he couldn't have put it into better words...these were my exact thoughts after the showing today.

...

i wasn't really going to buy into the hype, to be honest, but as i was continuing to read the novel, and seeing all the reviews and all the controversy behind the book, i figured, why not see it today?...plus, it was a long weekend...might as well do something good...and my bro and sis saw it the day before...i might as well check it out myself.

anyways, watching the film really struck a good conversation between me and my friend ryan...we kinda stayed and sat at starbucks after the movie was over...first, because i just couldn't stop thinking about the all the things brought up in the film...more because i was suffering from a bout of motion sickness (movie theatres seem to give me these bouts...especially if i sit really close to a big screen...one of the reasons why i don't enjoy films in theatres).

our conversation started out as just a simple analysis of the film...how to be honest there was a good chunk of the book not addressed in the movie...and especially how director ron howard played it safe on all the controversial aspects of the novel.

eventually, though, we started talking about our own faith, and how, in essence, i've been doing on my spiritual journey.

it was interesting...we started to deal with our own spiritual convictions, and where we were with our beliefs.

and then i started to think about the conservatism and institutionalism that i feel is quickly extinguishing the flame of our faith.

kids who grew up in the faith often have the same story...it's like some kind of ritual that all of us had to go through...it's like an old script, really:

grew up in a christian home...
...went to sunday school...
...accepted Jesus as my saviour at age 6...
...went to a Christian school...
...and then attended 6 years of private catholic school...
...was baptised by immersion at age 13...
...re-dedicated my life at age 16...
...and now, here i am.

for some reason, i never thought how, well, one-sided i was for the longest time...i never knew anything other than my own faith...no questions asked, no doubts about what i believed in.

but moving to a country as secular as canada, i finally saw the other side of the coin...and i was challenged...i think, for the longest time, i was never really aware of any other opinion other than what i learned in sunday school...

but the thing is, i quickly realised, seeing the other side was quite beneficial to me.

looking at other faiths, dealing with people who don't share the same beliefs as me, has taught me that being a Christian is not a one-shot deal...it was a process, and i'm continually learning more and more about the nature of God in my life, as well as in others.

i quickly realised that the stuff i learned as a child was simply some generic version of what Christianity is truly about...kevin, in his blog, simply called it "popcorn christianity".

...and i think as time goes on, God smiles at us trying to put the pieces together and not blindly accepting what your mommy and daddy tell you as gospel....

and i think that's what i found out...God gave me brain, and gave me free will, and as much as He is working in my life 24/7, i think the things that i will continue to see and hear in this world about Him are not necessarily the be all and end all.

Christianity is not some kind of creed or constitution by which we all must follow to live...it is more than that...it is the surrender of the self to His will, it is the true death of the self...it is the ongoing struggle between flesh and spirit, and not some kind of cookie-cutter mold, that continually defines my faith.

when i said that my beliefs don't define me, i meant that i will not be defined by what others think my faith is all about, or what i think it is about.

because you know what?

that's fine with me...it's in this mystery that i will live on with, until that fateful day.

i want to know more
i'd love to learn more.
i need to know more.

and that's all i can say right now before my head explodes.

someone give me a tylenol.

have a good night, folks.

...peace out...