fuck this.

i soooo feel like crying right now.

why?

BECAUSE IT'S ONE DAY TO VALENTINE'S DAY.

...

i'm usually cynical about love and relationships, but this time around, i just feel shittingly lonely.

let's see...five of my closest friends have either a long-time relationship or is dating someone...and being with them, talking about what they're going to do for love day, well, it just makes me realize that i seriously need a boyfriend...FAST.

top that off with the numerous conversations i've had with my relatives about the fact that i'm 24 and still hopelessly single...something of a rarity in our household but somehow magnified by the fact that i have my aunt over from england asking me "where's your boyfriend now?"...ugh.

and then add to that the fact that i've only had ONE measly relationship, which ended awry.

magnify that with some booze over the weekend and eating chocolate...

yes, i'm depressed.

...

last saturday, i went to the mall with kyle after we both went to a broadcasting seminar that morning...he was looking for a gift for his girlfriend...cute, i thought, maybe i'll help him pick something out.

we ended up going to this build-a-bear store (which i think i half-suggested for him to do), and he bought her a cute teddy bear with a personalized "i love you" voice message on it.

it was nice, and i didn't mind helping him at all with it.

but it was all TOO sappy for me to take.

i got home that night feeling more lonely than ever.

not that i'm jealous or anything...

okay, I AM JEALOUS OF MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS.

it isn't their fault at all...i just feel this way right now...but i can't understand why i can't find someone right now...is it because i'm just plain cute?...or too loud?...or not beautiful?...or i'm a klutz or too emotionally unstable for them to take?...or maybe i'm just too picky?...or am i just too fat?...WHY?!

i'm seriously having an ally mcbeal moment here.

and just when i wanted ANYONE to talk to about it, all my friends decide to leave early.

now i have to ride the bus home...ALONE.

i feel like i've been stood up for some reason.

oh God, i'm thinking irrationally here.

but this is how i feel.

it's normal, right?

AAAAAHHHHH!

maybe i'll feel better when i get home and take a nap...i just need some rest, probably.

or maybe i can just mope and cry.

happy valentine's day, you fools.

...peace out...

POSTSCRIPT, 3:54 PM: you know what i ACTUALLY need...i need WANT someone to tell me they love me...any form will suffice...not romantic love, but just a simple "i love you" wouldn't hurt...PLEASE...thank you.